I am really, really hating January today. I have that can’t-quite-put-my-finger-on-it sense of discontent, dissatisfaction and downright grumpiness. Already today several things have almost caused me to turn around and go back home to bed. They are things that wouldn’t normally phase me too much:
- The milk was off this morning so I couldn’t drink my cup of tea. Running late as I was, I didn’t put the milk in the bin, so I know I will make the same mistake again tomorrow.
- I left the house 2 minutes too late to walk to work. I time my walk precisely; it takes me 32 minutes if I walk as fast as I possibly can. This involves overtaking joggers, not stopping to tie loose shoelaces or readjust recalcitrant bra-straps, and ensures I arrive at work wide awake and sweaty and bang on time. As it was, I had to walk to the stupid bus-stop instead. I hate the bus.
- On the way to the stupid bus-stop, a stupid cyclist stupidly cycling on the stupid pavement almost knocked me over; he came to a screeching halt millimetres away from me and then just glared at me as if his inability to cycle proficiently was my fault. I was wearing a hi-vis at the time. A HI-VIS. My usual 32 minute super-brisk walk does not involve stopping to de-tangle scarf/bag strap/headphones in order to put on the obligatory hi-viz that is required to walk across the yard to the office. For this reason, I tend to don it before leaving the house. (I had to stop this practice during the festival when I was repeatedly and wrongly assumed to be part of the security team and wasted valuable seconds giving directions to people wearing hot-pants). Anyway, he had no excuses to nearly hit me, or else my hi-vis does not work and therefore should not be part of the health and safety obligations of my workplace. Obviously I screamed at the imbecilic cyclist that this was a pavement (I quite possibly swore too). He cycled off towards other unwitting pedestrians and I was instantly embarrassed and had to look around to check I wasn’t in the vantage-point of anyone I knew as I drew attention to myself by yelling obscenities whilst wearing luminous yellow. Good start to the day.
- The bus. Enough said. People really need to a) Have their money ready. b) Know where they are going. c) Learn to control their bratty offspring. d) Turn down their rubbish music. e) Stop loudly sniffing and, instead, blow their noses. Also, is it just me who is unfamiliar with the apparent new rule that allows old people to rudely shove their way to the front of the queue and start arguing with the driver about the times of day their free travel passes are valid? As it was, the aforementioned dilly-dallying and arguing ensured that I arrived at work precisely two minutes late but far crosser than I would have been had I walked.
- I am wearing really uncomfortable knickers, the sort I should have disposed of a long time ago and not held onto for times such as this when I am woefully behind with my washing. Admittedly, I am not as uncomfortable as the time I arrived at work mildly hungover and exceedingly agitated only to go to the loo and discover that in my haste to dress I had somehow managed to put both my legs through the same leg-hole of my underwear. Now that was a Bad Day. I should probably also be thankful that I am neither wearing my v-neck jumper back-to-front today, nor have I just looked down to see that I am sporting one red and one navy blue trainer (the perils of hating shopping so much that whenever I find an item I like, I buy it in an assortment of colours. And, perhaps, the perils of dressing in semi-darkness). I also didn’t manipulate a mysterious lump out of the bottom of my trouser leg, only to discover it was yesterday’s balled up knickers… These are all things that have actually happened to me in the past. The other clothing-related incident that befell me today was when I managed to dangle the end of my scarf into the toilet bowl. As all my other scarves are currently languishing in the washing basket with my comfy pants, that meant I had no choice but to go scarf-less and draft-prone.
- I have just noticed that the title of this makes it look like I have a grievance with the 24th of January. I can’t be bothered changing it.
- Just before lunch I simply could not wait any longer and devoured a Snickers bar. Not just any old snickers bar, but a Kingsize, limited edition, extra nuts Snickers bar. It had been in my desk drawer for a very long time. I fear it was probably hugely out of date. Clearly I made myself feel sick. Not because it was out-of-date – I am not one of those people who adhere to ‘best before’ dates on non-fresh food items – but because of the sheer size/sugar content of my bad snack. I then tried to counteract this dietary badness by eating a massive fruit salad for lunch instead of the squashed roll I had brought with me. Bad idea. Oh, and then I ate the roll, too. Waste not, want not.
- I forgot my My Waitrose card (a.k.a. My Free Cuppa card) in my haste to leave the house this morning. As I couldn’t get my usual free peppermint tea (and because I wouldn’t have wanted one anyway as full as I was stuffed full of a Kingsized limited edition Snickers bar, a family sized fruit salad, and a squashed cheese and coleslaw roll…), I decided to buy a nice box of healthy herbal tea bags for later in the afternoon. A word of advice: Spiced Apple tea tastes suspiciously like someone has stewed an Xmas air freshener.
I wanted nothing more than to stomp home and drink a bottle of Malbec and eat this: http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/1935/succulent-braised-venison How good does that look?!
Alas, as it is stupid January, and I am not drinking wine or eating meat this month (with a few notable exceptions, today not being one of those). I can’t even remember why I am doing it, I think I was maybe proving a point. Since deciding to prove my point, I have found myself spending an inordinate amount of time researching the feast of meat that shall be February – never before have I had any inclination to source or cook venison. I shall definitely be making up for lost meals.
To add to today’s meatless misery, it was raining horrible icy cold rain, the sort that actually hurts your face, and I had no umbrella so I boarded my second bus of the day. I actually realised seconds after leaving the office that I had left my umbrella on my desk, but could not face walking back in only to have at least one person say jokingly “Morning!” as somebody always does. I do love an umbrella. I still love the novelty of being able to use one for more than 7 seconds without it blowing inside out. I don’t really love the fact that I mistakenly bought an umbrella that says ‘Keep calm and stay dry’ or ‘keep calm and carry me’ or something equally awful across it, but hey ho. I would check but I left it at work. I bet it is raining tomorrow and I have to get the stupid bus again.
I had only just got on this second bus when the driver asked her passengers if we knew the way she was meant to be going. This did NOT bode well, although it did amuse me a little to discover that her grasp of left and right was as poor as my own… Hearing a chorus of men (men do like to give a direction) shouting in unison “No, no, RIGHT, indicate RIGHT!” did cheer me up just a little. I eventually got home and decided to read Take a Break (always good for reminding oneself that there are others worse off in this world), and eat a bit more Xmas chocolate in an attempt to snap myself out of my bad mood. Bad idea…
Now, there is little in this world that riles me like a rogue apostrophe, and this wasn’t any old rogue apostrophe… no, this was an M and S rogue apostrophe!
Arghh and I have just read back over this and realised I forgot to buy milk on my way home. That’s it, I’m off to bed. I just wish I could hibernate until February.