This is an amalgamation (one of my all-time favourite words, incidentally), of two of the things I detest the most: Christmas Carols and Seasonal Socialisers. On the subject of favourite words, it is quite possibly my penultimate post of the year, it relates to a subject that makes me cantankerous, and it features a healthy dose of schadenfreude in the final verse.
For best effect it should be loudly sung to the tune of Away in a Manger.
Away on a pub crawl, no rest for poor staff,
The whole of your office descends on our gaff.
The stars of karaoke only worsen our plight,
Fairytale of New York for the twelfth time tonight.
The drunkards are a-dancing, the bar staff despair,
As they block all the walkways, blissfully unaware.
They love this little pub, for just one night a year,
Christmas ties, hats and tinsel and sloshing of beer.
The drinks they are a-flowing and us barkeeps we cringe,
Drunken secrets and tears, the result of your binge.
No notion of decorum, you down wine far too fast,
Amateur drinkers all round, ordering Guinness pints last.
There is a little something that does help keep us sane,
A light at the end of this relentless pain…
When morning does dawn, you’ll have the Fear and the ick,
And at least one stupid jumper will be covered in sick!